The Characters On The Cast
by The Love Child Of McGonagall a
Summary: Anyone else bored and chaptering everything they ever wrote because they have nothing better to do? Join the club!
1. Default Chapter Title

The Characters On The Cast

A/n: This is just my opinion on what the characters from Harry Potter might think of the cast playing them! This is only meant to be fun, so please don't take it too seriously! Just to set the scene, this fic takes place in a room in which I am present, as are Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Snape and McGonagall.

Me: Hiya guys, I'm guess you're probably all wondering why I called you into this fic today?

All present: Yes/Get on with it!

Me: Well, I was wondering what you thought of the muggles they've cast to play you all in a film.

Someone: A film?!

Me: Yep, the muggles are making a film about you all and these are the people playing you. (I show them print outs of the cast members playing them. The various people present make various comments and some start to get angry, so I silence them.) I was wondering if you'd be kind enough to tell the lovely people reading this fic what you think of the muggles allocated to play you? Butterbeers on me if you do!

Everone: (Begrudgingly) Okay.....

Harry

"Okay, you want to know what I think on who they've got playing me? You want me to be as honest as I like? Okay then, here goes:

He's too tall.

Those glasses are SO not real!

He only read about two of my adventures and doesn't even remember what they were about! 

His neck is kind of elongated......but I guess it could have been alot worse."

Ron

"My turn? Oh, and, Harry? Your neck is kind of elongated anyway. (He ducks as Harry throws a cusion at him)" 'Okay, here you go:

He's too short.

His hair is no way red enough.

Where are his freckles?!?!?!?!

That's all I've got, a bit of make up, hair dye and some platforms and I guess he'll be okay....."

Hermione

"Why does she look eight? Do I look like an eight year old to you?

Why is her hair not bushy?

Where are the slightly elongated front teeth?

And why is she not weighed down with a tonne of books in any of these pictures? I bet SHE never got 360% on an exam!"

Snape

"My nose is hooked, not FAT!" (he grabs the picture in a rage and tears it up) On the plus side, he looks suitably-evil".'." (He grins menecingly.)

McGonagall

(She's busy checking her roots in a mirror she shot out of her wand) "Oh, I'm sorry, but am I really going gray? LOOK at her hair! Not a black strand anywhere!" (She turns back to the mirror and Snape glances at the picture.)

Snape: Oh come on, we all know you went that colour years ago! That's why you never let your hair down, your frigtened that someone will see your roots and work out that you've been dyeing your hair for years now!

McGonagall: Who told you?!?!?! (She glares at me) Tell anyone about this and I'll take 500 points from Gryfinndor!

Me: I'm a muggle. I don't go to Hogwarts. Aparantly the fact I have a magic wand I won on stage at the Sooty show doesn't qualify me to be a pupil here! You can't take points from a house I'm not even in!

McGonagall: I could do. And then Slytherin would win the cup. And I know you sit in your room rereading the ends of the books just to check that Gryfinndor have still won. We wouldn't want for it to change suddenly, would we now?

Me: Nooooooo, hey! This is my fanfiction! I could kill you off if I wanted to! now tell me what you think of your muggle counter part, or we may have to re-enact the Trisha show! (For anyone who hasn't read Today On Trisha: Snape, McGonagall and JK Rowling, I took over the characters and let's just say, I made them act slightly against their will.....) 

McGonagall: (Goes pale at the memory) Okay, I'll talk. Well, there's the hair, obviously. It's the wrong colour, and it's, well......permed! And I DO NOT have wrinkles! 

Me: (Seeing that she's getting angry) Let's move swiftly on.......

Dumbledore

(He casts an amused glance at Hermione Ron and Harry, who are having to hold McGonagall back after Snape made a comment about Nivea Visage Anti-Wrinkle Cream) "I think I got off easily! Maybe he should grow his beard a little more, but really, I think this is quite flattering!" (He looks at the picture admiringly)" '"Then again, look at the staff I have. They sent me insane years ago, so as long as he doesn't have two heads" 'then I don't think I'd notice any serious flaws.......Are you going to end this now before she kills him?

Me: What about your butterbeers?

Dumbledore: Maybe another time.....oh, and, as for the Sooty wand, believe me, it was nothing personal, and if it was up to me I'd have let you in, but the Ministry didn't agree. (He galnces behind him) I really think we should say goodbye now.

Me: It was nice meeting you, and, uh, if it's any condolence, let her know I hadn't noticed the roots. (I jerk my head towards McGonagall and decide to end this crazy fic!)

2nd A/n: Hee hee, I suck at humour! And I really do have a Sooty wand from when I was 6!" I'm considering doing this for other characters, what do you think?"


	2. Default Chapter Title

The Characters On The Cast-2

A/n: I was leafing through the movie page of a Harry Potter site I was on and decided to write another fic about the 'views' of the Harry Potter characters on the cast playing them. If anyone wants to see pictures of cast members, then everyone I've done is on the page http://members.tripod.com/ashleythewriter on the movie page. Ashley, if you're reading this, it is okay that I linked to you right? It's just, I couldn't remember the exact address of any other site with all the pictures on off the top of my head. Anyways, on with the show.

This time I'm sat in Hagrids hut. Hagrid himself has just finished feeding Fang, and is staring pointedly at the picture I handed to him of Robbie Coltrane.

Me: So, what do you think?

Hagrid: Well, he's a little on the small side don't you think? (He swells up a little proudly) Though the last time I measured meself, I'd only grown a couple of centimetres. Maybe the muggles 'ave noticed! But he looks like a decent sorta chap. Yeah, if they can mek 'im look a bit bigger then he'll be okay by me. 

Me: Thank you very much for your time, and the rock cake was delicious. (I exit, before he notices that the rock cake is actually in my bag not my stomach.)

Right, now I'm inside Hogwarts, in the charms classroom, speaking with Prof. Flitwick. He's sat on his pile of cusions, staring bewilderdly at the picture I handed him.

Me: So, what do you think?

Flitwick: Well.....I suppose they got my size right at least. But do they really imagine me with bright red hair?!? (A/n: Okay, so maybe we don't actually know what colour Flitwick's hair is, but the photo on the site above certainly shocked me to say the least.)

Me: Other than the hair, what do you think?

Flitwick: I suppose it isn't bad, to say they've never met me.....(It's painfully obvious that he's trying to be nice, but is really kinda narked.)

Me: Well, thank you for meeting with me, I'd better be on my way.

Okay, now I'm stood outside Hogwarts castle, which Prof McGonagall very kindly transfigured for me so that it can be interviewed. (She could do that right? I mean, in PS she brought the chess piece to life.)"

Me: Hello there!

Castle: (The doors flap as it talks) Good day to you! I never thought I'd see the day when I would be having a conversation with a muggle!

Me: Yes, well, you are now! I was wondering if you could tell me what you think of this picture? It's what the muggles are using as you in the film they're making.

'Castle: A film? How terribly exciting! Now let me see....(The castle carefully examines the picture) It looks a little like a church to me. Never could stand churches. My cousin is married to one, haven't seen her since the wedding. Come to think of it, didn't see her AT the wedding, I couldn't quite get there......No, I'm afraid I really don't like churches. Far too stuck up in my opinion.

Me: Well technically it's a cathedral, not a church.

Castle: A cathedral? Well that's alright then, cathedrals have every right to be stuck up. If I wasn't a castle I'd be a cathedral. My aunties a cathedral you know. Come to think of it, the cathedral in that picture looks awfully like my great uncle Eustus-

Me: Well that's certainly very interesting, but I'm sfraid I must be on my way. Places to go, people to see, you know how it is. (The castle looks forlorn) Maybe we could have tea sometime?

Castle: Oh yes, that would absolutely spiffing my dear girl! Well, ta ta then! (I make a hasty exit)

My next stop takes me to number four Privit Drive, where both Mr and Mrs Dursley are present.

Me: Hello, I was wondering if you could tell me what you think of the people in this picture? They're going to be playing you in a film the mug-uh, people at Warner Brothers are making and I'd like your opinions.

Mrs Dursley: A film? About US?

Me: Um, yes? (I decide to lie. It'll probably be easier)

Mr Dursley: Well that man obviously like his food. I can't stand people who are fussy eaters. (He peers at me) You're not a fussy eater are you? (I decide not to mention the vegetarianism)

Me: No, of course not.

Mr Dursley: Good, good. And he looks well dressed. With tidy hair. Yes, I always like people with tidy hair. (I attempt to straighten mine, which is more than slightly windswept.)

Me: So that's a thumbs up then?

Mr Dursley: Yes, I suppose so.

Me: How about you Mrs Dursley?

Mrs Dursley: Slim isn't she? And rather pretty. That's good, I wouldn't want people thinking I'm fat and ugly. (It's fairly obvious she doesn't care about anything else) Yes, she'll do.

Me: Thank you very much Mr and Mrs Dursley, tell Dudley I'll be seeing him very soon.

Mr Dursley: Hang on a second, how do you know our names? And how do you know the name of our son? (Except I've already disappeared to my next location, a cave in the middle of no-where.)

Me: Yoo-hoo, Voldie dearest?

Voldemort: What did you just call me?

Me: Voldie dearest. Now be a sweety and look at this piccy will you? It's meant to be you, and is going to be in a film. I'd like to know what you think. (He looks at the photo of the computer that I handed him)

Voldemort: I think you gave me the wrong picture.

Me: No, that's the right one. They couldn't find anyone willing to have their head sewn onto someone else, so they're using that.

Voldemort: (spluttering with rage) But that's not me! How dare you! Avarda Ked-(But I have already disappeared and I'm no where to be seen. Look at for me, scouting a movie page near you soon!)


End file.
